A Try hard! is my name

I have been thinking of a way to write this blog with out going over crap 50 thousand times in my head. Firstly I am still pissed off and OH has gone away again.

He came home Friday night at 9.30pm and was so tried from working 14hr days for 5 days that he slept all night Friday all of Saturday and all night Saturday night. On Sunday i had planned a bike ride with my friend Em to Binna Burra (Em is moving to Port Macquarie so this was our last ride together for a long time I was looking forward to it and because i have not ridden in 2 weeks). I was hoping to be home by 11am so that OH could then go for a surf till 1.30pm then we were off to hockey for the afternoon.
But OH was soo cranky that i would not be spending time with him and Little Miss that He flat out told me "NO". I think by the time he looked back at me and seen the death stear i was giving him. He took it right back. I know its no easy working away from home with crap food and late nights, But its not easy being a single mum (while he is away) working a full time job and over loading myself with other commitments (yes they are my choice to do but if you want a sane, healthy person then there are commitments that I have to do).
Sunday had come around and I was off and racing on my ride up to Binna Burra at 6.30am with Em. We got to the top in about 2hrs and 15mins .. and i was so tried but Breakfast was amazing. While we were up there, Some other riders were just finishing their coffee's and about to head back down. As Em will be moving i needed to find new people to ride with so I introducted myself and asked all about them and there group and if i could join. They were so nice and helpful and had no problem recruiting me so Saturday morning is now my riding morning :). We all raced down the big hill and said our goodbyes. It was a lovely morning. Till i got home!!

I got home at about 11.35am OH was so cranky and walked passed me as i was walking in.
I yelled at him that we would have to leave for hockey at 1.30pm at the latest and he yelled back that he was not going he would be out surfing. Sad and cranky as I really wanted OH to go to hockey with me (after my email to the coach ). So i cleaned the house and did 3 loads of washing got Little Miss ready and we were just about to head out the door when OH called and said he would be 2 minutes away. We waited and went to hockey as a family.

I arrived at hockey about 15mins before the seconds game (not the Hour like i am suppose too but OH was with me so i didn't care but) I was on the wrong foot to start with, I warmed up the best i could after a 3hr bike ride and then the game started. I played bad, i did not play with a hockey head on at all :( but the second half was much better and i fell back into my style and my game. I felt very tried after the game (having played a full 70minutes of Hockey) so we warmed down and the First coach came and pulled me aside. He started by saything that he seen the emails that were being sent around .. (i only sent one so i was confused and didn't responsed) he told me he watched the first half of the game and it showed how bad of a player i am, He told me that from now on I am in Second's (which if it was me as coach and only seen this first half I think i would have done the same) but the next thing he said was something that I am still pissed off about and was just stupid. He said that as a Player I am A try hard! I try to hard and look like a fool. Professional there is no need for this. My email stated that i was pissed off, it didn't question his coaching, it didn't name call or make a person feel like shit. He also told me that if he needs me he will ask for me, but He wants nothing more to do with my hockey.
I didn't know what to say I think it was all slowly going into my brain as i was so tried and could not open my mouth to say anything but . fine! (oh and don't I have a million questions and come backs now  aggrrrhhhh)
It has been haunting me the last 2 day and the email that I received last night telling me that i will be training with the third's team (as the coach take first's and seconds for training squads). I still cant get over that I am trying to hard.. I thought that was a good thing!

This morning OH was off again on another Trip .. He has another 5 in the next 2 months. I have not sent any more emails .. I am just in my office thinking that i want to give up the sport i love!

I can't make it to Training tonight as I have no baby sitter .. plus I think i need some special Little Miss hugs, kisses and cuddles.

Hoping to get some better news soon as this is getting depressing.

ox Trace